You know that type of guy who spends so much time watching porn he seems incapable of looking at a woman without putting her in some sort of scenario where she has all her orifices filled at once? The one who can’t seem to speak respectfully to a woman even if she is 85 and his grandmother? Well it is my belief that when this type of Time Waster has tired of jerking off alone, he figures that ASP’s would love to hear from him - he is such a stud after all. It is possible this type of Time Waster is generally lacking blood flow into places other then his nether regions, which may explain why he thinks any woman, ASP or not, would want to receive an email such as these. If you are reading this and have sent this type of email out to anyone ever please try submitting your thoughts to Penthouse Letters instead.
Too Much Porn?
"Hi I was just looking at your ad and your web site, and I have a questions for you. Are those crotchless under you have on in your photo?"
"Im so in love with you just by looking at you in the pictures. my god you are the best looking pussy I have ever seen, how can i make you mine so i can eat you pussy and make the best fuck in the world i love you already baby here is my number xxx-xxx-xxxx my name Slick call me sweetheart i love you"
"HI We take turns spanking each other! I am excited, Do you have pictures of yourself?" JOn
"Hello, I would love to meet you. I have a question and hope I do not offend you. I am a little over 14" in length and very thick is that going to be a problem?? I have many ref. all over the states, I travel allot for my job and enjoy the company of women. I would like to get together with you and maybe your friend for a couple of days. Tell me what you think "
What I think? I think you are living in fantasy land buddy!
"Just wondering if you see black men. Im 38 years old, very mature, professional, generous, and powerfully endowed."
"u r very pretty and have a nice site am interested in a fetish b-day party activities: light whipping foot worship anal (u on me giving it full force in front of full-length mirror) happy ending w/crisco. interested? "
"hey wasup i'm an 18 yr old male an have an 7" tool hey if you'reinterested in me instead of other porno freakes hit me back e-mail stylee Ok? cool lata?"
"show me your nipples please--you are bigger-yes?? Also do you have any thong pics? Loving you soon!!! ZZZ I want your french tongue baby--Is your clit pierced?What do you enjoy the most to get you to "O" ?I would like to have an over night and discuss long term possibilities with pay and many benefits as well!! house, car, pool, boat, insurances plus pay, travel etc,etc. love, ZZZ who do you know in your area??were you invoved in the 9 girl-1 guy event ?? not too fun for you guys-LOL are you multi-orgasmic? squirter? or just a passionate,hot woman sweetheart?? "
"Hi, I'm looking for a girl who enjoys submissive guys. I love to go down. I would love to hear about the sex you just had while I do clean up for you. Let me know if you would enjoy that." Scrubby Subby
"if one day you are around the europe what do you think about a good weekend in Italy? i am a beautiful mature man, Duke, of 40 years, lend, equipped, also of savoir-faire and free discretion from engagements, I try one intelligent mrs. that desires one educated and lose interested company. I can accommodate and travel. if it tries what I can offer to you,contact me. I guarantee ospitality, respect and absolutely discretion. I can accommodate you in Lignano Sabbiadoro, or offer to you a timid one week-end to Venice. i need a photo to remember of you.."
"Please don't reject this out of hand, I'm legit and serious. I will be in town for three nights mid April and staying in xxxcross. I'm trying to set some dates now. I have a routine I like to have fulfilled when I travel. I enjoy being with a female dressed in skirt with stockings or a school girl outfit. She poses any way I ask so I can look at, smell,and use fingers and toys on her front and back as much as I want in the hour. She provides oral only, multiple shots, with cim and swallow preferred. She understands that a man my age (late 50's) takes some time to finish so she stays down there and wastes no drops. I'm white and anxious to fill my calendar so please let me know ASAP. Include phone and roses required. Tks," Meat Jerker
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"I would love to do my fantasy, teasing bikini handjobs. The nurse fantasy is cool as well: Teasing FBSM are ok too: Bossy lady office manager HJ's look fun and teasing also: Punished for losing at strip-poker HJ's are cool also: Or just straight teasing HJ's will work: Whatever way you prefer, bikini, topless, nurse, sexy dressed office manager, naked, sexy lingerie. :) I hope you like one of these at least? As I love teasing HJ's." J
"How are you today? I caught your ad and you got my attention, STUNNING!!!! VERY SEXY!!!!!!! A little about me I enjoy sports, movies, travel, live shows and dining out! I am 54 years old 6ft 1 165 pounds. A gentleman who know how to treat a lady!! I treat you with respect, open car door, and pull out chair, flowers, candy and so much more!! I am in the collectables business, sports, entertainment autographs and baseball cards. I like to get right to the point so I do not waste my time or yours!!! I am looking for a nice lady that can fill my fantasies and needs and possibly see on a regular basis!! This would include travel. Here are some of my needs{I must have all these needs} which I am listing respectfully. Striptease, role-play, teacher, nurse, cop, etc very,very,very deep French tongue kissing, very sexy dress, Victoria Secret kind of cloths, garter belts, stockings and very, very, very, very high heels, cof, cob, owo or bbbj. I do have some other “naughty” needs but will only discuss with your OK!! Looking for 7 days and maybe a year long date!!!! Rates?? Have a great day, Mr. Anal Retentive"
hiya, how about a sweet white bf? (26) who will support you and your black lovers?" J
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"Hi Fun Lady, I never have done this before, but what I am looking for is someone that enjoys giving oral sex is capable of not having an issue with too much - not that I am huge, just don't want to only go half in and that's all. Also, I once tried anal with a girl, but she wasn't able to take it, not even a little - is this something that you are up to?"
"Hi beautiful would like to spend some qaulity time with you what do you need last provider I saw was amber shaw dont do this much but have to get rid of the inside me your so beautiful is thurday ok maybe a dinner date your so hott ok talk soon ok Ok iam as horny as agoat just want to spend some time with a hott woman tellmemore what flowers do you love iam like a school boy thinking about his first time ok you so beautiful talk soon"
"Your pictures are way too sexy. Do you do weekned mornings, like between 9-10 am? You dressed like your picture and me in nothing being punished for lossing at strip-poker or something similar. You don't even have to take anything off if you don't want to, jus have soft hands! "
"Hi, very interested in seeing you.. would love to be your toy.. I am very very real and serious. I have photos to send ASAP if you wish.... - I can also text or voice verify at anytime / right now. I am a total submissive sissy, very kinky..and want to serve but also have a few dreams I wish to be lived out... but only if you wished to of course. Dreams.... Being tied spread-eagled, and have my face fucked (oral service), and forced to drink whatever you give me from this service. Being tied and having toys / vibrators put in me and left while I serve or I am made to please, and teased. Have a face dildo put on me while tied, and then have it rode with me not able to do anything. Being tied on a bed and having a toy inserted in me and then fucked till you are pleased over and over… and me not having any control over you fucking me or for how long or by whom. Being held down and taken with a strap on….. or being taken with a strap on and another woman…Being made to eat my own cum… over and over…or yours over and over… Serving two woman….couple also!!! Do these things interest you? Again I am more about just being a slave toy for your any needs at anytime. I have photos, and can chat about the session at anytime. I am very serious and wish these to be done to me and more…. Thanks Slave XX "
"Pretty Provider, What are perky TATA's?? What makes them perky? I know they can be soft, with silky skin, hard nipples, dark nipples, pear shaped, a little droopy, or a little sensitive or really sensitive. When I think of girl with a perky attitude it is one that is happy, bouncy, and smiling. Are they perky because they can bounce and if they bounce right in front of my face they will make me smile and be happy? Just wondering. GoofyIdiot "
"Provider description of a Time Waster phone call - Today I had a of those "wtf?" calls it went something like this... Huge - Hi my name is Huge. Provider - Hi Huge. Huge - Id like to come see you. Im from Houston. Provider - Ok great. Huge - You may have heard of me...I'm quite famous on eccie. ProviderHow so? Huge - Im famous for my finale. Provider - Huh? Huge - Ya I cum alot. ALOT. I mean A L O T. Have you heard of me? Everyone Ive seen is just shocked by how much I cum. Its a real load. Have you heard of me? Im famous on eccie! Should I bring you a rain coat or goggles? And maybe at the end you could exclaim..."wow that was a lot"? Also do you have any smaller size condoms? Provider -Ya let me just clear my schedule to see you! An itty bitty condom to hold the giant load of cum...Wow! every girls dream guy!"